HIGH-ACHIEVING WOMEN:
 IS DOING IT ALL, DOING YOU IN?

 This book is about shaping and defining balance unique to you and your life.  Only YOU get to decide what balance is for you.
By Donna M. Bennett

Until the 1960s, the majority of women were housewives and mothers. Unlike their husbands, their work and successes were not measured in increments of rungs on a ladder. A woman’s role was one of support – ensuring that all went smoothly at home.  Success was measured by a clean home, well-cooked meals, happy, well-adjusted children and a husband’s pride.

Everything shifted once the baby boom (1946-1964) leveled off and the birth control pill and Hugh Hefner of Playboy Magazine became household words.  The pill, introduced in the early 1960s, allowed women to take personal control of their bodies and ultimately, their lives. [1] Playboy Magazine, in the same era, was instrumental in changing American society’s views on sex, marriage and single hood.[2]  These freedoms, followed by the 1973 Supreme Court decision to legalize abortion, were significant in changing the roles of both men and women.   They were given ‘permission’ to abandon a long-established tradition to marry and start families by the time they reached their mid 20s.  This dynamically shifted expectations for women entering and leaving college.  By the 1970s women were encouraged and expected to be independent.  Ultimately, many chose to delay marriage and children to begin careers, hoping to embrace the same choices and opportunities that men enjoyed. 

Not surprisingly,  divorce was also on the rise, reaching a level that remains today. That is: 50% of all first marriages end in divorce.[3]  Women who had left college to get married now found themselves needing to enter the male-dominated world of work and competition.

The women who rose to the top, who made a difference, often had in common the expectations of society, family, peers, and bosses who rewarded them with praise, money and additional responsibility while implying:  “You can, should and must do it all”.  They were the high-achievers who put the same expectations on themselves. The more that was expected of them, the more they made room for new, ever-expanding roles. These are the “do-it-all” career women of the late 20^th and early 21^st centuries. They are our selves, our daughters, our wives, our mothers, our sisters, our grandmothers, and our friends. They carry the roles and responsibilities of both their mothers and their fathers from the generations before them. High expectations of others then, transfer to high expectations of themselves, no matter what is added to their burgeoning plates. 

What does this mean for career women today?  Wherever you find two or more in conversation, the resounding appeal heard across their gender is: ”I need more balance!” Women ask, “How can I have work I enjoy, time with children, family and friends, time alone with my partner, time to care for my physical, spiritual, and psychological health, time to care for my aging parents, and time to do my part in the community?  I want to do it all and do it well!?”  Most will try.  Most will fail. 

As one more thing is added to a life already bursting at the seams, something has to give.  When it becomes impossible to meet all expectations - including self expectations,   feelings of guilt, shame and self-blame may follow.  If these feelings pervade, one may feel a lack of control and powerlessness.  Symptoms such as exhaustion, fatigue, anger, frustration and resentment begin to fill their lives.  Little room is left for joy, wonder, or pleasure.

No one is free from the stress that comes and goes as a normal part of life.  However, when stresses are intense enough, and last long enough, our psychological and emotional wellbeing are regularly affected, and we are heading for physical illness. [4]  Illnesses related to stress are nearly twice as high for women as men. Straining to balance work and family life issues have been linked to cardiovascular disease, musculoskeletal disorders, depression and burnout. [5]

Dr. Christiane Northrup says, “When our daily unresolved pain, anger, and frustration rob our bodies of vital health-producing energy, it is essential to bring healing and understanding into our daily thoughts, emotions and actions”.

 If you were to do a Google search for work/life balance issues, you would find well over 2 million results.  It is the catchphrase of the late 20^th and early 21^st centuries. To say it is on our minds – that we are trying to figure out how to live more balanced lives – is an understatement.  More than that, it is the cry that echoes across the hearts of all women who are trying to do it all.

 Companies competing to hire and retain talented employees are constantly evaluating work place policies and juggling the priority of issues that include flexible work arrangements, education reimbursement, elder care and on-site day care.  There are “how-tos” everywhere - talk shows, seminars, magazines, retreats, books – any way the message on achieving balance can be communicated, it’s being done.

So, what makes this book different?  The premise is that there is no one-size-fits-all, universal model for a balanced life – for anyone.  Rather, there is only one way to have a balanced life – YOURS.  Only you can live your life.  Only you can determine how you want your life to unfold.  A balanced life has been symbolized as a wheel, a pie, arrows going in many directions, a myriad of colors, but whatever symbolism you give it, yours will be different from anyone else’s. 

This book is about just that: shaping and defining balance unique to you and your life.  You get to decide what balance is for you.  Think of yourself as a snowflake – each is different, each is beautiful, each has a purpose, yet no two are alike.  Whether you view yourself as, or strive to be like, another – it’s all an illusion.  How you are living your life right now is what your life is.  So, why not embrace it?  Say, “Hello! Nice to meet you – again!  Where do we go from here old friend?”

This book – this journey – will invite you to revisit your life – the highpoints, the low points and points in-between.  You will take an inventory of how you live your present life. This will be the substance of your work.   Once you have established where you’ve been and how you live your life today, you will lay plans for how you want to live your future life, installing checkpoints along the way. 

But first, let’s look at how society- from the 1960’s to the current decade - has dangled our lives in front of us.  Introducing the Real Power Model [6], you will see how both men and women have typically moved in, around and through their careers.  You will visit other women’s journeys through their personal stories.  And finally, you will learn a model to help you shape your unique journey.